A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. Going downstairs he
asks his wife, “Honey, I know I made a fool out of myself at the
company party last night, so tell me what I did.”
“You got in an argument with your boss.”
“Well, piss on him!” said the man.
“You did. He fired you.” said the wife.
“Well, screw him!” said the guy.
“I did.” said the wife. “You’re back to work Monday.”
When you are right be logical, when you are wrong befuddle.
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.”The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!”
Vovochka comes home and says he blew up a flask in his chemistry lab at
school. Next evening he says he blew up a chair under his teacher. Next evening
he handles his father a note asking him to visit the school. Farther says he
doesn’t give a damn.
– You are right, dad, what can you do with a pile of rubble like that.
Q. Are you married?
A. No, I’m divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn’t know about.