• After the crew is told they are now Empowered, Dr. Crusher begins doing medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel while Worf slaughters everyone he considers “weak”.
• Data fails an ISO9000 audit because the construction of his positronic brain isn’t properly documented. He curses Dr. Suhn’s record keeping as he’s stripped for parts.
• All members of the ship’s maintenance crew are required to be involved in Quality Circles. The loss of productive work time causes them to cut back on scheduled repairs, resulting in a warp core breach that kills everyone.
• Commander Riker is fired after a round of “right sizing”. Star Fleet decided that it didn’t really need someone to seduce alien females and smirk a lot.
• As part of the new Dignity Enhancement program, Piccard is forced to allow Troi to wear uniforms that cover her breasts.
• Star Fleet decides to adopt the Borg “Team Building” methods and requires all newborn babies to be implanted with computer interface devices. As a bonus this cuts down on carpal tunnel disability claims.
• The Enterprise finds that it can no longer communicate with Star Fleet Command because they’re still running an old version of Windows and can’t get budget approval for the upgrade.
• As part of a cycle time reduction plan, the crew is ordered to cut the time necessary to encounter and escape from new life forms from once a week to 5 days a week. A re-use program is introduced under the nickname RERUNS (Reap Earnings and Royalties Using No-longer-produced Shows).
• Piccard is ordered to go to diversity sensitivity training after system logs indicate that he has repeatedly disparaged the Ferengis, the Q and the Romulans.
• A ship-wide reorganization results in Worf becoming the ship’s counsellor, Dr. Crusher taking over the engine room, Deanna managing weapons, Data running sick bay and Geordi at the helm. They were conquered by a Klingon freighter 15 minutes later.
• The crew mutinies when they are given their annual performance reviews and find that, despite saving the universe numerous times, they’re still only getting 3% raises.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying “Don’t worry, it’ll be up any minute now….”

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Omega!
Omega who?
Omega best man win!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Omelet!
Omelet who?
Omelet’in you kiss me!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ooze!
Ooze who?
Ooze in charge round here!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Opera!
Opera who?
Opera-tunity, and you thought opportunity only knocked once!

JACK: Joe, at what moment does your wife shout loudest during sex?

JOE: Er…, when I clean myself off with the curtains.

Answer: a stick

A: A teacher says “spit out that gum” and a train says “choo choo choo!”

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him
down off the keg.

He would come home from work and compliment her on her Beautiful Buns; as
she was doing the dishes he would expound on the virtues of her Beautiful
Buns; even at church, he would lean over over and whisper to her what he
wanted to do with those Beautiful Buns.

When his birthday arrived, the wife wanted to do something really
special, she decided to have the words “Beautiful Buns” tatooed to her
butt.

She went down to the tatoo parlor, but they said it would cost $500. This
being a bit more than he was prepared to spend, she asked what she could
get for $50.

After a bit of discussion they decided that for $50 the guy
would tatoo just a “B” and a “B” on each cheek.

That evening when her husband walked in the door, she immediatly turned
around, dropped her pants, and said “Happy Birthday!”

Her husband said “Who the hell is Bob?”

She asked him, “What is wrong?”

He said, “I just want to be green like the other frogs.”

So she did some magic and he turned green, but when he looked down his dick was still yellow.

She said that she couldn’t do any more magic and he’d have to go see the Wizard.

As she kept going, she saw a pink elephant that was crying.

She asked him, “What is wrong?”

“He said, “I want to be gray.”

So she did some magic and turned him gray.

When he looked down his dick was still pink so she told him to go see the Wizard.

He asked, “How do you get there?”

She said, “Follow the yellow dick toad. Follow the yellow dick toad.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

http://kornyhiv-insane.cjb.net