Why don’t girls like to date basketball players?
You never know if they’re going to dribble or shoot.
Dribble or Shoot
Love thy teacher
A boy comes home from school one day and excitedly tells his father, �Guess what? I had sex with my teacher today!�
The father smiles and says, �I�m proud of you, son.
You�re a bit young, but the day a man loses his virginity is a day to celebrate.
I�ll take you out for a fancy dinner, then I�ll buy you a new bicycle!�
�Dinner sounds great, Dad,� the son replies, �but can we hold off on the bike?
My butt is still a little sore.�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
The Tearful Bride…
The Tearful Bride…
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!”
“Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!” says her mom.
“Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”
“No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket.”
“Airplane ticket…. What did you need an airplane ticket for?”
“Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -
‘Prepare from a frozen state,’ so I flew to Alaska!”
Daily Bread
A guy from Tyson Foods arranged a visit with the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispered, “Your Eminence, we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread…’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken…’ then we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church”.The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”"Well,” says the Tyson man, “We are prepared to donate one billion dollars to the Church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread…’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken…”Again the Pope replies “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate five billion dollars to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread…’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken…’” and he leaves.The next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and some bad news.”The good news is that the Church has just received a donation of five billion dollars.”"The bad news is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account!”